Cajun Big Easy (Mall at Tuttle Crossing)

[no spots due to nausea]

I really should have known better than to stop at the Tuttle Crossing food court for lunch. But I'd just picked up a Valentine's Day gift for Mrs. Fine-Burger and needed a quick bite, and the friendly Cajun Big Easy counter guy called out, "Hey, you like chicken! Try a free sample!"

Why, yes, sir, as a matter of fact, I do like chicken. And the little morsel he handed me on a toothpick was promisingly good. So I ordered a bourbon chicken platter with rice, sweet corn, and mashed potatoes, and a big Coke to wash it down, and found a seat at a counter facing the Cajun Big Easy storefront. I was intrigued by Mr. Big Easy's sales pitch and wanted to see how many of my fellow mall patrons would be drawn in. It's easy to ignore a hollering perfume-counter lady or a cellphone-kiosk guy, but who's going to refuse free chicken?

As I watched, I took my first forkful of chicken and rice. Mild and sweet with a hint of garlic. Not bad. Then I took my second forkful, which turned out to be nothing but chicken fat and gristle. Oops. Should have been watching my plate instead of watching the chicken salesman. My instinct was to spit the whole fowl mess back onto my plate, but my mother raised me not to be uncouth in a public dining area, so I chewed it as best I could and gulped it down.

I warily examined the pile of chicken and rice and found that about one-third of the meat was inedible. After I scooped that portion off to the side, I was able to complete the meal, though any pleasure I might have derived from it was long gone. Which is a shame, because the remaining chicken was tasty, or would have been if I hadn't been fighting nausea induced by swallowing parts of a chicken that were never meant to be eaten.

The sweet corn and mashed potatoes were unremarkable. If you'd just had your appendix out and a hospital staffer brought you Cajun Big Easy sweet corn and mashed potatoes, you'd consider them very good.

All in all, not the best way I've ever spent $7.62. Next time I'm hungry at Tuttle, I'll avoid the Big Queasy. Instead of free chicken, perhaps they should give out free Mylanta.

Kentucky Fried Chicken (Mill Run)

There's a whole class of American businesspeople today who seem to make a great living going from company to company implementing bad ideas. Take Kentucky Fried Chicken, for example. Once upon a time, they had a well-known brand name and a famous founder, Harland Sanders, who served as their corporate symbol. For millions of Americans, the white-haired guy in the Matlock suit with the string tie symbolized tasty chicken at a reasonable price. There are folks out there who salivate like Pavlov's dog at the mere sight of the Colonel. Take my aunt Mary — please.

Faced with stagnant sales, the suits decided to ax the Colonel and drop the well-known "Kentucky Fried Chicken" name for the acronym "KFC." Great move, guys. I'm sure the problem wasn't related to customer service or food quality. It had to be that "provincial" name and "out of touch" senior-citizen corporate symbol. When the changes didn't send sales skyrocketing, the marketing folks brought back a pseudo-hip cartoon version of Harland Sanders who danced around his cane in TV ads chanting "Go Colonel! Go Colonel!" Another big swing and a miss.

About a year and a half ago, the corporation decided that maybe replacing a tried-and-true name and beloved cultural icon hadn't been such a great idea after all. So they brought back the Colonel and the name "Kentucky Fried Chicken," and to announce this, they built an 87,000-sq-ft likeness of Harland Sanders in the Nevada desert, large enough to be seen from space:
http://www.kfc.com/about/pressreleases/111406.asp

Here's a thought. What if the company had taken all the money that was spent on rebranding the stores from "Kentucky Fried Chicken" to "KFC" and back, and all the money that was spent on salaries and consulting fees for the marketing gurus behind switching and unswitching names, and all the money that was spent on the giant Colonel in the desert, and spent it instead on staffing and food in the restaurants? Maybe the resulting improvements in customer service and food quality would have provided the desired bump in sales.

I know what you're thinking: old Caspar has way too much time on his hands. And you're right. I plenty of time to stand around and ponder fast-food marketing strategy while I was waiting for the folks at the Mill Run KFC to feed me lunch.

It started when I had a hankering for a Max & Erma's buffalo chicken sandwich, but didn't want to spend $13 (with tip and drink). Maybe the Colonel could satisfy my craving and still give me plenty of change back from a ten-dollar bill.

Things looked good when I walked into the restaurant - there was just one customer ahead of me. He ordered a bucket of chicken and a couple of side dishes. Somehow it took a full five minutes for the cashier to prepare this simple order, during which time several more diners came in and lined up behind me.

The drive-thru girl had no customers, so she came to the counter and took my order. "What a nice touch," I thought. I ordered the Buffalo Stackers meal (two small Buffalo chicken sandwiches, potato wedges, and a drink) with a side of cole slaw, for about $6. She then made my sandwiches, put them in a bag, and forgot about me.

The cashier finally assembled the bucket of chicken and sides for the first customer, then took the next customer's order. This time she completed the order in about four minutes, then noticed me standing there and asked if I had been helped. I explained the situation, which resulted in a huddled conference between the cashier and the drive-thru girl, who still hadn't had to serve a drive-thru customer. A few minutes later, I had my meal, along with some complimentary little chocolate pudding cup for my trouble. As I took my seat, I noticed there were now seven or eight hungry customers in line. I suspected the last guy in line would give up and leave before he was fed.

The food, once I got it, wasn't bad. The Stacker sandwich consists of a chicken strip on a mini-sub bun, slathered in your choice of sauce. The Buffalo sauce was surprisingly good and the chicken was lean - a reasonable facsimile of a Max & Erma's sandwich after all, on a miniature scale. Both my sandwiches came with piles of lettuce outside the not-quite-fresh bun. KFC Stacker: some assembly required. The potato wedges were crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, and well-seasoned. The cole slaw was unremarkable, but wasn't bitter or warm (the cardinal sins of slaw). I wasn't hungry for the "consolation" chocolate pudding, but ate it anyway out of a sense of obligation. After all, nothing mitigates an unreasonable wait like free dessert.

So there's really nothing wrong with the Mill Run KFC that hiring an extra staffer couldn't fix. I'm guessing better service would stimulate sales of fast-food chicken better than rebranding the stores or building gigantic images of the Colonel in remote locations. I did notice a sign on the wall in official corporate KFC colors and typefaces that said "WANTED: CUSTOMER MANIACS!" Do they really need maniacs staffing the stores - or just sufficient quantities of people of average intelligence? Something tells me the wrong-headed thinking at KFC isn't going away anytime soon.

Cluck-a-Doodle-Doo (Mall at Tuttle Crossing)

5043 Tuttle Crossing Blvd, Dublin OH



I've had more than my share of mall food lately, but needed to pick up a gift card from Sears today, and a man's got to eat. I decided to visit a little chicken and burger shop in the food court called Cluck-a-Doodle-Doo. They're local and have an additional location somewhere in the OSU campus area. As I approached I was surprised to see the former proprietor of Pop's Country Fare, the previous tenant of Cluck's space, collecting an order of chicken tenders (which he rates quite highly).

Cluck's has an impressive menu of barnyard (and other) animal products, from chicken to burgers to fish, not to mention salads, appetizers (jalapeno poppers, mozzarella sticks), and interesting sides (waffle fries, mashed potatoes). They also offer vegetarian fare for those crazy enough to forego meat.

All meals are cooked to order, which is a bit awkward in a food court made for fast food. You need to stand around for a few minutes while your food is cooked, but there's no avoiding the situation if you want fresh food and a variety of options.

I went for the chicken sandwich with a side of waffle fries. I was immediately impressed with the sheer quantity of food. I received two regular-sized paper plates on my tray. The first was completely full with a heaping pile of waffle fries. A LOT of fries. Now I like fries. I will get a large order of fries anywhere and NEVER leave one on my plate. But this was really enough for two people who like fries, and I wound up throwing half of them away. Taste-wise they were good but not great. Salted a bit unevenly so that some were extremely salty while others seemed to have none at all. Ketchup is an issue, as they give out a few packets instead of having self-serve condiments. I ran out quickly and therefore turned my attention to the sandwich, which was also a mixed bag.

The chicken sandwich is a nicely-breaded whole breast of chicken, fried and served on an enormous hamberger bun (the radius has to be 50% bigger than a standard bun), with lettuce, tomato, and mayo. I wasn't asked if that's what I wanted, though coincidentally, it's what I like. Given that they use an entire chicken breast (long and skinny) and a big, round bun, you wind up with chicken sticking out an inch or so on two sides, and have an inch or so of no chicken on the other sides. Not a real problem, but can make for some messy eating as the chicken slides about in an ill-fitting bun. The larger issue was that they used an entire chicken breast, with tapered ends that get overcooked. Which is a shame because the bulk of the sandwich is excellent. Juicy and well-seasoned, it may be a better sandwich than Chick-fil-A.

My advice is give it a shot, and cut off the ends of your chicken before eating. I think you'll also want to experiment with a different side. You can get fries anywhere, and these are nothing to write home about. See how the mac and cheese or mashed potatoes are. Unfortunately, you may have to try this quickly, as I don't think they'll be around at this location long. There were very few people placing orders during peak lunch hours, and given their very reasonable prices (my combo meal was $6.50), I can't see how they make the balance sheet work, and suspect it doesn't.