Kentucky Fried Chicken (Mill Run)

There's a whole class of American businesspeople today who seem to make a great living going from company to company implementing bad ideas. Take Kentucky Fried Chicken, for example. Once upon a time, they had a well-known brand name and a famous founder, Harland Sanders, who served as their corporate symbol. For millions of Americans, the white-haired guy in the Matlock suit with the string tie symbolized tasty chicken at a reasonable price. There are folks out there who salivate like Pavlov's dog at the mere sight of the Colonel. Take my aunt Mary — please.

Faced with stagnant sales, the suits decided to ax the Colonel and drop the well-known "Kentucky Fried Chicken" name for the acronym "KFC." Great move, guys. I'm sure the problem wasn't related to customer service or food quality. It had to be that "provincial" name and "out of touch" senior-citizen corporate symbol. When the changes didn't send sales skyrocketing, the marketing folks brought back a pseudo-hip cartoon version of Harland Sanders who danced around his cane in TV ads chanting "Go Colonel! Go Colonel!" Another big swing and a miss.

About a year and a half ago, the corporation decided that maybe replacing a tried-and-true name and beloved cultural icon hadn't been such a great idea after all. So they brought back the Colonel and the name "Kentucky Fried Chicken," and to announce this, they built an 87,000-sq-ft likeness of Harland Sanders in the Nevada desert, large enough to be seen from space:
http://www.kfc.com/about/pressreleases/111406.asp

Here's a thought. What if the company had taken all the money that was spent on rebranding the stores from "Kentucky Fried Chicken" to "KFC" and back, and all the money that was spent on salaries and consulting fees for the marketing gurus behind switching and unswitching names, and all the money that was spent on the giant Colonel in the desert, and spent it instead on staffing and food in the restaurants? Maybe the resulting improvements in customer service and food quality would have provided the desired bump in sales.

I know what you're thinking: old Caspar has way too much time on his hands. And you're right. I plenty of time to stand around and ponder fast-food marketing strategy while I was waiting for the folks at the Mill Run KFC to feed me lunch.

It started when I had a hankering for a Max & Erma's buffalo chicken sandwich, but didn't want to spend $13 (with tip and drink). Maybe the Colonel could satisfy my craving and still give me plenty of change back from a ten-dollar bill.

Things looked good when I walked into the restaurant - there was just one customer ahead of me. He ordered a bucket of chicken and a couple of side dishes. Somehow it took a full five minutes for the cashier to prepare this simple order, during which time several more diners came in and lined up behind me.

The drive-thru girl had no customers, so she came to the counter and took my order. "What a nice touch," I thought. I ordered the Buffalo Stackers meal (two small Buffalo chicken sandwiches, potato wedges, and a drink) with a side of cole slaw, for about $6. She then made my sandwiches, put them in a bag, and forgot about me.

The cashier finally assembled the bucket of chicken and sides for the first customer, then took the next customer's order. This time she completed the order in about four minutes, then noticed me standing there and asked if I had been helped. I explained the situation, which resulted in a huddled conference between the cashier and the drive-thru girl, who still hadn't had to serve a drive-thru customer. A few minutes later, I had my meal, along with some complimentary little chocolate pudding cup for my trouble. As I took my seat, I noticed there were now seven or eight hungry customers in line. I suspected the last guy in line would give up and leave before he was fed.

The food, once I got it, wasn't bad. The Stacker sandwich consists of a chicken strip on a mini-sub bun, slathered in your choice of sauce. The Buffalo sauce was surprisingly good and the chicken was lean - a reasonable facsimile of a Max & Erma's sandwich after all, on a miniature scale. Both my sandwiches came with piles of lettuce outside the not-quite-fresh bun. KFC Stacker: some assembly required. The potato wedges were crisp on the outside, soft on the inside, and well-seasoned. The cole slaw was unremarkable, but wasn't bitter or warm (the cardinal sins of slaw). I wasn't hungry for the "consolation" chocolate pudding, but ate it anyway out of a sense of obligation. After all, nothing mitigates an unreasonable wait like free dessert.

So there's really nothing wrong with the Mill Run KFC that hiring an extra staffer couldn't fix. I'm guessing better service would stimulate sales of fast-food chicken better than rebranding the stores or building gigantic images of the Colonel in remote locations. I did notice a sign on the wall in official corporate KFC colors and typefaces that said "WANTED: CUSTOMER MANIACS!" Do they really need maniacs staffing the stores - or just sufficient quantities of people of average intelligence? Something tells me the wrong-headed thinking at KFC isn't going away anytime soon.